What makes listening effective

However, this means that we are not really listening to all that is being said. Even good listeners are often guilty of critically evaluating what is being said before fully understanding the message that the speaker is trying to communicate. The result is that assumptions are made and conclusions reached about the speaker's meaning, that might be inaccurate. This and other types of ineffective listening lead to misunderstandings and a breakdown in communication.

Even if we are not formulating a response whilst listening, we may still be thinking of other things, albeit subconsciously. During a conversation, how often have thoughts such as " What am I going to have for my dinner ", " Will I have time to finish that report? At such times, we are distracted and not giving our full attention to what is being said. In other words we are not actively listening to the speaker. You can look away now and then and carry on like a normal person.

The important thing is to be attentive. The dictionary says that to "attend" another person means to:. Mentally screen out distractions, like background activity and noise. In addition, try not to focus on the speaker's accent or speech mannerisms to the point where they become distractions. Finally, don't be distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or biases. Listen without judging the other person or mentally criticizing the things she tells you.

If what she says alarms you, go ahead and feel alarmed, but don't say to yourself, "Well, that was a stupid move. Listen without jumping to conclusions. Remember that the speaker is using language to represent the thoughts and feelings inside her brain. You don't know what those thoughts and feelings are and the only way you'll find out is by listening. Don't be a sentence-grabber. Occasionally my partner can't slow his mental pace enough to listen effectively, so he tries to speed up mine by interrupting and finishing my sentences.

This usually lands him way off base, because he is following his own train of thought and doesn't learn where my thoughts are headed. After a couple of rounds of this, I usually ask, "Do you want to have this conversation by yourself, or do you want to hear what I have to say? Allow your mind to create a mental model of the information being communicated. Whether a literal picture, or an arrangement of abstract concepts, your brain will do the necessary work if you stay focused, with senses fully alert.

When listening for long stretches, concentrate on, and remember, key words and phrases. You can't rehearse and listen at the same time. Think only about what the other person is saying. Finally, concentrate on what is being said, even if it bores you. If your thoughts start to wander, immediately force yourself to refocus. Children used to be taught that it's rude to interrupt. I'm not sure that message is getting across anymore. Certainly the opposite is being modeled on the majority of talk shows and reality programs, where loud, aggressive, in-your-face behavior is condoned, if not encouraged.

We all think and speak at different rates. If you are a quick thinker and an agile talker, the burden is on you to relax your pace for the slower, more thoughtful communicator—or for the guy who has trouble expressing himself. When listening to someone talk about a problem, refrain from suggesting solutions.

Most of us don't want your advice anyway. If we do, we'll ask for it. Most of us prefer to figure out our own solutions. We need you to listen and help us do that. Somewhere way down the line, if you are absolutely bursting with a brilliant solution, at least get the speaker's permission. Ask, "Would you like to hear my ideas? Questions beginning with "would," "should," "is," "are," and "do you think" often end with only a yes or no response, so they're not as helpful. When the goal is open-ended and you're looking for advice, then "What would you do?

Ask questions to clarify a point when you're not confident you understood. Is that what you meant? Aside from personal relationships, job listening skills can make or break a career. The same rules apply to both. You'll find fabulous examples of effective listening at thebalancecareers.

Here are just a few:. Old habits are hard to break. It's going to take practice and determination to become a great listener, but as you grow in listening comprehension, advantages will be evident in multiple spheres. You'll be a better communicator, improve your personal relationships, and be more productive in the workplace. Make it a goal to get started today! Furthermore, will that salary be sufficient to pay for the debt involved with getting your….

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